Kusen on The song of the Grass-roof hut by Sekito

Richard Reishin Collins

Spring “Cicada” Sesshin, 24-26 May 2024

Stone Nest Dojo, Sewanee

The Spring Sesshin at Stone Nest Dojo of Sewanee Zen took place near the end of May, with a small group of practitioners, some who had practiced some ten or twenty years, some fewer, and one who had never practiced zazen at all. Over the course of three days of intimate and intense practice, sitting, working, and eating together, the Abbot gave a series of kusen (talks during zazen) on Sekito’s “Song of the Grass-Roof Hut.” This is a transcription of the talks that were recorded and a reconstruction of those that were not recorded. Each sitting of zazen seemed to have its own musical accompaniment, whether it was the booming percussion section of a severe thunderstorm in the morning, a symphony of cicadas in the afternoon, or a double-bass ensemble of frogs at night. This accompaniment may or may not have been captured and echoed in the tone of the talks themselves.

KUSEN ON THE POEM

Sekito (or Shitou in Chinese) was known as “Stone Head Monk” because he would practice zazen on top of a great flat rock in the Heng Mountains of China. Sekito’s master was Seigen, and Seigen’s master was Eno, the Sixth Patriarch. Several sesshin ago, I focused on another of Sekito’s classic Zen poems, the Sandokai, which I adapted for my master, Robert Reibin Livingston Roshi, on the occasion of my shiho in 2016, since that poem is all about the meaning of transmission. This sesshin I would like to focus on Sekito’s poem “Song of the Grass-Roof Hut,” in part because I have been translating Philippe Coupey’s commentary on it, and in part because this new dojo, where we now practice, has only been open for a year, and although its name is Stone Nest, which sounds permanent, it too is really just a temporary grass hut. 

I’ve built a hut with a thatched roof, which houses nothing of value.

A dojo is a place where nothing of value is stored. Of course we have our instruments and statues and zafus, but really none of this is essential. Its emptiness is its value. 

After eating, I relax and take a nap.

Simple. This is Zen practice. We tend to complicate our practice with philosophical discussions and hypothetical ethical questions, but this is really all there is to it. As Coupey points out in his commentary, we even complicate something as simple as eating, with whole conferences dedicated to discussing what Zen practitioners should or should not eat. Yet Dogen said simply, “Eat soberly.” And Deshimaru said, “Sometimes I eat meat, sometimes I don’t.” Traditionally, monks are meant to eat whatever is given to them. The only food to avoid eating is preferences. Eat. Relax. Take a nap.

As soon as the hut was finished, new growth sprouted.

Now that it has been lived in, weeds cover it all.

The emptiness of the hut creates form, its form creates emptiness. The exterior form of the hut attracts more form, phenomena. Ku becomes shiki, the inside shapes the outside, and vice versa. Life lived creates karma. It is unavoidable. And as much as we might prefer to have only grass or only flowers, weeds too will sprout and proliferate. But weeds don’t matter. Flowers don’t matter. Only the indiscriminate emptiness of the hut matters. The hut where we cut karma.

The man in the hut lives here peacefully

Without attachments inside or outside.

The attachments that the man in the hut has let go of include everything superfluous, most material possessions, but also intangible things, like ideas, ideals, concepts, preconceptions, even the precepts themselves, even Buddhism, even Buddha. Nothing on the inside, nothing on the outside. Nothing to obstruct his practice of the Way.

He does not desire to live where ordinary people live.

He does not desire what ordinary people desire.

Desire, of course, is itself the culprit, the source of our suffering. But this “ordinary people” or “common people” is an interesting term. As Coupey points out, many translations (he says “American” translations) avoid using the term “ordinary people” because it can seem elitist or condescending, as though Sekito were speaking from a superior, elitist vantage point. And in a sense he is. But “ordinary or common people” are not the opposite of superior people but rather the opposite of those who are not subject to the common or ordinary desires. By ordinary people, Sekito is not referring to poor people or workers but rather to those who think they are superior or can become superior or satisfied or happy by reason of their current or aspirational social or economic status. Ordinary people are people who value social status, honors, awards, titles. They are attached to these superfluities, and when these illusions go up in a puff of smoke, so does their self-esteem and their raison d’être. Most of us live more or less like ordinary people, at least in material terms, since we live in houses, pay bills, drive cars or ride bicycles, scroll on our phones, just as Sekito’s mountain monk has a zafu, cookware, ink and brushes, and so on. The key is not to become attached to these necessities, not to be owned by what we own. Sekito is interested in the man who lives in the grass hut peacefully, without regard for what he owns or how he is seen in the world, who is what Rinzai called “the man of no rank.” The man of no rank has no wish to add to his resume. Nor to his possessions. He has no need to build a house in a good neighborhood with curb appeal for the passersby. Why? Because he knows:

Although it is tiny, this hut contains the universe.

One practices not for oneself, not to fulfill one’s own desires, nor the desires that others have for us, but for all existences. No gilded palace or capacious monastery can hold more than that, just as the layman Vimalakirti’s house contained vastness. And to contract the universe even further, within the hut is an even smaller space, the square meter of space where the man of peace sits on his zafu.

In one square meter, an old man clarifies things and their essence.

In other words, he sits in zazen and allows forms to come and go in the parade of mutability which he observes without being disturbed or distressed by it. This clarifies what might seem muddy, calms what might seem turbulent to the ordinary or common man. Sekito himself was such a man of zazen. When he died, he was supposedly mummified in the lotus posture, and perhaps you can still see him at Sojiji temple in Japan. So now the Stone Head Monk of the mountain (if those are really his remains) finds himself sitting in the midst of the big city of Yokohama. Whether this is Sekito or another monk who took his place after being rescued during the Sino-Japanese War or stolen by Japanese troops during the Second World War hardly matters. What is clear is that no abode is permanent, not a hut, not a temple, not a body, not even a grave.

The Mahayana bodhisattva has absolute faith.

Ordinary people can’t understand, their doubt never ends.

Unlike the Hiniyana arhat who clarifies things for himself as a model for and representative of others, the bodhisattva of the Mahayana tradition goes beyond the five skanda (those aggregations of early Buddhist philosophy that constitute proof of our existence) to add the dimension of emptiness out of which come the five skanda and upon which they depend for their own existence. Here again, ordinary people are mentioned in contrast to the bodhisattva, but these include even the practitioners who practice only for their own enlightenment, those who are not interested in awakening or who are interested only in their own awakening, versus the bodhisattva who is interested in the awakening of all beings. And since the doubt of ordinary people never ends, so does their suffering. Their questioning questing continues:

Will this hut last or not?

Perishable or not, the original master is here

And resides neither north nor south, east nor west. 

Where then does the “original master” reside if not in the four directions? He resides here and now, at the very intersection of left and right, up and down, past and present. And who is he? The original master is the self we have not yet thought of (to paraphrase Kodo Sawaki), the one who has our face before our parents were born, the one that persists in each of us and is shared by all the patriarchs of the past and future, and yes even the Buddha, but also Bodhidharma and Eno and Sekito, and us. Does it then matter if the hut lasts or not? And since we are the hut, we know the answer to that. However,

So firmly rooted, he can’t be surpassed.

Firmly rooted in the practice of zazen, how can the man of no rank be beaten since he is hors de combat, having left the struggle, having dropped out of competition? He is not subject to threats or bribes, having no fear of loss, having no desire of gain. 

A bright window among the green pines puts

Jade palaces and gilded towers to shame.

In what Coupey calls the American versions of the poem, the hut and palaces “cannot be compared,” but I would like to stress that the unadorned and unpretentious hut, in the beauty of its simplicity, like the plain man of no rank, cannot be surpassed by ornate edifices, and thus “puts them to shame.”

Sitting with his head covered, everything becomes peaceful. 

Simple. Concrete. Practical. When hungry, he eats. When tired, he sleeps. When cold, he covers his head with his kesa. And in so doing, meeting needs as they arise, he can be at peace, here and now. There are, of course, many depictions of Bodhidharma (Daruma in Japanese) sitting in zazen with his robe covering his head. Here is the original master invoked again.

This mountain monk grasps nothing.

This mountain monk is Sekito, Daruma, Buddha, anyone who takes the posture. But only if, during zazen, they grasp nothing. I use the word “grasp” and deliberately avoid the more abstract “understand” for its greater combination of concrete and connotative meanings: grasping for meaning, grasping at concepts but also grasping onto things, whereas understanding has lost its connotative imagery of “standing under” something and means merely to comprehend (which at its Latin root, however, almost retains the sense of grasping, com = together + prehendere = grasp). And again, such grasping can have as its object either material or spiritual goals. But this mountain monk grasps at nothing, even his own liberation.

He lives here and no longer strives for his liberation.

Coupey invokes the last few frames of the Oxherding Pictures, where the seeker has already glimpsed, caught, mounted, and tamed the Ox, and has now internalized the Ox so that he can sit peacefully without further goal. He no longer needs to know. Grasping nothing, he is content with the balanced mental state of “just don’t know” or “knowing not knowing” which is not unlike Dogen’s “thinking not thinking” or hishiryo consciousness. 

Who, out of pride, would want to attract students with a place to sit?

How many Zen students succeed in dropping the desires of ordinary people, and practicing diligently and peacefully, only to have the pride of ambition arise with the desire to become a Zen teacher? They should be careful what they ask for. In the shuso ceremony, in which a student becomes a student-teacher, he is asked what he will do with the shippei, a symbol of the teacher’s power, which can be used for life or for death. It is an awesome responsibility, one that pride alone will not sustain. Most students are better off not becoming a teacher at all, Sekito implies, but focusing instead on their own practice.

Turn your light inward, please, and return to yourself.

What self are we talking about? Not the little ego of me-me-me, certainly. Not the self of the ordinary or common person, which is formed and thus limited by its environment and upbringing. But rather the self of the original master, the one we have not yet met, the one that is, though, always available. 

The source is infinite and inconceivable, we can neither face it nor turn away.

The source or origin is within us always, and yet it can never be fully revealed, whether we come face to face with it or not. As Dogen said, “to study the Way of the Buddha is to study the self, to study the self is to forget the self, to forget the self is to study the self, and to forget the self is to be affirmed by all existences.” And so there is only one thing to do:

Meet the masters of old, become intimate with their teachings.

To meet the ancient masters cannot be done in the ordinary way by seeking them out and shaking hands. To become intimate with their teachings is not simply to read them or even to study their writing deeply. Like Dogen, we must study their teachings by studying the self, and to study the ancient masters is to forget the ancient masters; to forget the ancient masters is to study them intimately through our own practice, and thus to practice the Buddha Way. Sometimes when I am chanting the Hannya Shingyo, I can hear not my own voice but that of Taisen Deshimaru, and through Deshimaru, all of the ancestors in the lineage backward and forward in time. To become intimate with what the old masters taught is simply to become intimate with yourself. Because “when the mind rests on nothing, true mind arises.”

Knot the grass to build the hut and don’t abandon it.

The work is not intellectual but physical and spiritual. Doing the work of building the hut means securing a site where emptiness can be explored. A hut yes, but our body is our empty hut. And once we have established that practice place, which is what dojo means literally (“the place where we practice the Way”), we should not abandon it. We should not give up, but rather practice “eternellement,” as Deshimaru instructed his disciples when he left Paris to die. Eternally does not mean forever, and it does not mean that our physical site of practice will last for all time; on the contrary, the physical site of our practice is as impermanent as everything else; it is the spirit of our practice that is eternally in the here and now.

Let the centuries pass and let go completely.

It is up to you. Don’t simply observe the passing of time but drop all notions of time and space; this is letting go completely. Complete nonattachment, with nothing of value inside or outside. At the time of the Buddha, it was normal for monks to live in temporary huts like the one in the poem. Coupey tells the story of the monk, though, who wanted a more permanent place to practice, and built one of earth instead of grass. When the Buddha discovered this, he had it torn down to teach the monk an important lesson. You cannot build ku out of bricks. You cannot make a mirror by polishing a tile. 

I opened my first dojo in Algiers Point in New Orleans, the second oldest neighborhood in New Orleans, just across the river from the French Quarter, on August 27th, 2005. As I finished the introduction just after noon, I learned that there was a big storm in the Gulf of Mexico. I proceeded to board up the windows of the dojo, packed up my wife and daughters in the car, and headed out of town just after midnight, expecting to be gone for a few days. Instead we were gone for a few months because August 29th was the day Katrina blew into town. A week or so after we left, I spent my 53rd birthday in Venice Beach, California. I remember building sandcastles with my younger daughter Isabel, who was only three at the time. And as the waves washed our work away, I realized that I still didn’t know if the dojo I had just opened had been washed away as well. Mujo, impermanence, constant change.

The grass hut is like the sandcastle, made to be washed away, a perishable abode, a temporary temple. Just like our dojo, just like the temple in New Orleans, which was supposed to last forever, but which we had to sell in 2022, some thirty years after it opened. Because a temple is not a building. Muhozan Kozenji, Peakless Mountain Shoreless River Temple, is not made of bricks and cypress and slate but of backbones, and knees pressing the earth, and heads pressing the sky. Home is where you hang your hat; a temple is wherever you place your zafu. 

Open your hands and walk, innocent.

It is a matter of generosity, of not grasping, of opening the hand of thought, as Uchiyama put it, to allow all ideas of certainty and doubt to flow through our fingers like sand. Only in this way, by just knowing not knowing, can we be as innocent as a child in a bright new world, practicing with the spontaneity of clear awareness, naturally, automatically, unconsciously.

Thousands of words, an infinity of ideas, exist only for you

To free yourself from attachments.

Words are helpful, ideas are useful, but only if they are used like ladders that can be left behind once you have climbed to a higher altitude. If you cling to the ladder, how can you explore the mountain you have climbed to?

If you want to meet the immortal in the hut,

Please, here and now, don’t forsake the skin-bag that is you.

Some translations convert "immortal” into the “undying person.” But this is a literalization that obscures the allusion to Zen’s Daoist roots. Each tradition has its version of the wise or enlightened person. Confucianism has its sages, Theravada has its arhats, Mahayana has its bodhisattvas, and Daoism has its immortals. 

The immortal is the teacher, but the teacher is not to be met outside of yourself. Even when you meet one of the immortals, one of the “original masters,” and you become intimate with them, i shin den shin, heart-mind to heart-mind, it is less a meeting in the physical world than a meeting of true mind. But don’t forget that at bottom we are all just sacks of blood and guts, and don’t forsake this vehicle of wisdom, the skin-bag that is you. 

I have added “that is you” to bring home the message that this skin-bag refers not to people in general but to you specifically. This is important because unless we take the teachings to heart and become intimate with the fact of our mortality, we have missed the point of Zen. Name-calling, or malediction, is one traditional way to get the attention of monks and to take the teachings to heart, and to prevent them from, as my master said, getting big heads. Hakuin used to call prideful monks “shave-pate do-nothings.” Remember, we are all fragile containers of skin that can leak if punctured, just as our egos can burst when pricked, which is one of the methods a master might use to get this point across. Zen is nothing less than an existential crisis, a crisis brought on, faced, faced down, and gone beyond. 

Sesshin means “to touch the mind,” not the small mind we normally work with but the big mind that we share with others, all buddhas of the ten directions. And as it is said, “when the mind rests on nothing (which is to say, when we are not attached to our thinking), then True Mind arises.”

CODA: STORMS AND CICADAS

Early Saturday morning we met in the dojo just before a severe thunderstorm kicked up. As it approached, the leaves in the trees began to shiver, and then the trunks of the trees began to sway, as the hard rain fell and the wind blew. First the birds shut down their performances, then the frogs. The cicadas would not come out until later in the day, after the storm passed. After the storm calmed down a little, the Abbot began to speak, but rolling thunder continued to punctuate his talk, like the sound effects of some Gothic movie.

Well, that was an excellent demonstration of how the man of no rank sits peacefully in ku. In this square meter where each of us sits on our zabutons, within the dojo or the grass hut, the whole universe arises. The storm outside (shiki) rages on, while the man of no rank sits inside (ku). The moon is contained in a dewdrop, the storm is contained inside your skull… It resonates there but it does no damage.

This is how we can approach the storms in our lives, allowing them to pass [thunder] without letting them disturb us. Because ku or emptiness is no different from shiki, phenomena; peacefulness is no different from the storm’s rage, no different from our anger, our passion. This is what is so difficult to understand — nonduality: samsara (the cycle of peace and suffering, birth-death-rebirth) is not different from nirvana (extinction). As long as we insist on separating them, we will be troubled, rejecting one in favor of the other, pulling weeds to let the flowers grow, which is no better than pulling up the flowers to let the weeds grow. Preferences! Preferences kill zazen. 

The role of Buddhism, as you know, is to relieve suffering, to help us in this life, here and now, not to worry about the next life, if there is one, in the hereafter. Not just our own suffering, but that of others, as well.

The goal of Zen, of course, is the goal of no goal. But the goal of no goal serves that same purpose, unconsciously, automatically, naturally.

When you leave here, whenever you’re troubled, remember the grass hut. Remember the original master within.

Long before I began to practice Zen, I remember driving one morning just after dawn through some foggy pastures in Tillamook, Oregon. There was a thick mist on the ground, a bright shining cloud about three feet high on the ground. Cows were grazing there, but they looked like ships floating in the clouds, their heads dipping into the clouds and reappearing, chewing knots of grass. It was the most peaceful scene I had ever witnessed. So after that, whenever I was troubled, it became a kind of mantra for me to remind myself: “the cows are grazing in Tillamook.” And it would calm me, and I could get through whatever it was, even the worst of things, the worst of pain, betrayal, failure.

Remember the grass hut, or whatever else it is that serves the same purpose for you.

Perhaps you will remember the cicadas singing. These loud cicadas, which in Chinese mythology, represent reincarnation because of their brief life aboveground and their cyclical return. Or in Greek mythology, how the cicada represents immortality. When the handsome young Trojan Tithonus fell in love with the dawn, Eos, she asked Zeus to give her young lover eternal life, which he did. However, even Zeus could not give Tithonus eternal youth, and he wasted away until Eos took pity on him and turned him into a cicada so that he could shed his brittle shell periodically (every thirteen or seventeen years, the age of pubescence) and fly off with a fresh body of new life. 

Perhaps someday you will say, “the cicadas are singing in Sewanee.” 

I am reminded of Robert’s last years when, after a long life full of vitality (his bodhisattva name given to him by Deshimaru, after all, means Spiritual Vivacity), he wasted away to a desiccated shell of his former self. I remember thinking of him as a kind of Tithonus in the flesh, specifically that of Tennyson’s poem “Tithonus,” “A white-haired shadow roaming like a dream.” As the Homeric Hymn to Aphrodite tells us:

...when loathsome old age pressed full upon him, and he could not move nor lift his limbs, this seemed to [Eos] in her heart the best counsel: she laid him in a room and put to the shining doors. There he babbles endlessly, and no more has strength at all, such as once he had in his supple limbs.

In later versions, Eos turns Tithonus into a cicada, living eternally, but eternally screeching for the easeful death that will never come. 

Would it be too much to suggest a parallel with Dogen’s shin jin datsu raku — “throw down” or “slough off” body and mind during zazen? It seems to be no accident that in Mandarin Chinese “cicada” and “Chan” (Zen) are pronounced the same and even have similar kanji. 

The poet Basho’s cicada is very different than that of the Greeks, being mortal but singing seemingly without consciousness of its mortality, because now in the full flower of its life it perhaps has no inkling of its coming death:

The cry of the cicada

Gives us no sign

That presently it will die.

Baso’s cicada represents not old age and suffering, nor even metamorphosis and reincarnation, but rather a literally vibrant present, the present of sexual mating and reproduction, the continuance of life, about to leave its exuvial shell, its skin-bag, behind like an empty hut.

[Rolling thunder.]

Eno (Huineng) (638-713), the Sixth Patriarch of Zen, his mummified and lacquered corpse, Nanhua Monastery, Shaoguan in Guangdong Province

THE YELLOW-BILLED CUCKOO: ICHI-GO, ICHI-E

Richard Reishin Collins, Abbot

Kusen, Stone Nest Dojo, 19 May 2024

Yesterday, as I was reading in my study, I heard a thump against the glass of the outside doors. When I looked to see what had caused the noise, I saw a bird twitching on the bricks, but it didn’t twitch for long. It was a yellow-billed cuckoo, its long tail-feathers beautifully dappled, as though a painter had taken pains with each stroke. It was still warm with recent life and pliant, draped across my palm, head hanging down, and its white breast was plush and soft and still, its eyes black as glass beads and dead.

Sometimes we get caught up in the quality of our zazen. We want to make sure we are doing it right. If we have a bad day, if we are uncomfortable in body or mind, we wonder what we are doing wrong, how to make it better. But this is unnecessary, mistaken. Yes, we can make small adjustments, get our knees on the floor, make sure our butt is high enough on the zafu to assist the curvature of the lower spine, bring our shoulders back but not too far back so that our posture is erect, draw the collarbone up and the chin in, and stretch the backbone so that our head presses the sky. 

But there the need for assessment ends. The focus need not be so inward or critical.

Every zazen is unique, you have heard me say it before. Every time we enter the dojo, the dojo is not the same as it was last time, and neither are we. It is warm and humid today, sunny after recent rain, and the windows are cranked open to let in the breeze (if there were a breeze) and the songs of the birds in the trees and the cicadas vibrating everywhere. But next time we meet here in the dojo there will be rain, or the trees will be bare, or it will be cold, or the birds will be on vacation or on strike, keeping their song to themselves, the cicadas done with their mating cycle and gone back to their underground lairs.

And next time we meet we will be different, too. As Heraclitus said, we can never step into the same river twice. Another way to say this is, the same person never steps into the river twice. 

Ichi-go, ichi-e. This common calligraphy phrase found on so many Japanese tea scrolls means that we have one chance to make the most of our one meeting, whether this meeting is with another person, with the natural wonders, or with ourselves. How do we make meaning of our lives in the moment? How do we grasp the richness available to us in the chance of our one meeting, the one chance meeting that is the here and now? Not the one chance “of a lifetime” that is Frost’s road taken or not, I am not talking about that kind of moment, but rather the moment that comes to us in each moment, the moment we can grasp in its suchness, what is called the tathata: the ultimate inexpressible nature of things. This meeting is, after all, what Dogen meant when he set out to find the rationale for practice in light of the fact that we are all, after all, already enlightened. We all have the enlightenment experience available to us at every moment of every day of our unrepeatable (and inexpressible) experience of ichi-go, ichi-e. Do we pay attention through practice, through zazen, through grasping the chance? Or do we go on our way without giving our cuckoo lives our full attention?

It reminds me of Auden’s poem “Musee des Beaux Arts,” where he views the painting by Breughel in which Icarus has fallen from the sky into the bay where merchant ships go on their way, and even if they bother to look they won’t be able to see “something amazing,” a boy falling from the sky or what the significance of that wonder might be, since they are too preoccupied by the habits of their unconscious day, like the dogs who go on with their doggy lives. 

If not for zazen, I might have been like those sailors on the merchant ships and ignored the yellow-billed cuckoo that swooped down from the sky and knocked at my door.

And yet this was a perfect example of ichi-go, ichi-e, one chance, one meeting, a moment to make some sense of our life. At least until we too take a wrong turn, or mistake a mirror for a window, or a window for a doorway, or a doorway for a way out. Until we throw ourselves against an invisible wall that we don’t see coming until it is too late. Until mujo strikes, or until we strike mujo

Oh, but the beauty of the yellow-billed cuckoo!

Ichi-go Ichi-e

the ENDLESS JOURNEY of KŌDŌ KYŌHAN 廣道映範 AUBREY LEBLANC (1985-2023)

What follows are the memorial remarks made at Stone Nest Dojo on 10 December 2023 by Richard Collins, Abbot of the New Orleans Zen Temple, on the death of Aubrey LeBlanc.

Endless Journey

When the great Zen master Sengai (1750-1837) was asked by a parishioner for a blessing for his new baby, the old monk said, “May you die, may your children die, may your grandchildren die.”

I asked my daughter, when she was ten years old, what she thought of that blessing. She said, “Of course. Old people should die first.”

Yes, that is the natural order of things. Old people should die first. Parents should die before their children. Old monks should die before their students, too. So when a young member of the sangha dies, it offends the natural order.

This zazen is dedicated to the memory of Aubrey LeBlanc, who died suddenly last week at the age of 38. 

I first got to know Aubrey some nine years ago, when I ordained her as a bodhisattva. She had been practicing at the temple on Camp Street for a while before that, but I was living in California at the time so I didn’t see her much on a day-to-day basis. 

I arrived at the sesshin on a hot and humid July day in New Orleans. Robert, who was at the beginning of his long decline, had secluded himself in his room, where he stayed throughout the sesshin. He informed me, on very short notice, that I would be leading the sesshin and conducting the ordination ceremony. I was to brush the calligraphy on the rakusus and give the six new bodhisattvas their dharma names. Two of them were my students, but I knew very little about the others, including Aubrey, except that she kept to herself and seemed quite reserved.

During dokusan I attempted to get to know her a little better. Our conversation was brief but revealing. She was wary and guarded. You could tell she had had reason in the past to be distrustful. Still, I saw great potential in her, which is why I settled on the name KYŌHAN for her: “Shining Example.” She told me later that her self-esteem was so low at that time that she thought this dharma name had really missed the mark. “I could never be anyone’s shining example,” she said. But the name was not meant to be descriptive; it was aspirational, an encouragement, a conjuration, even; a hope; and, as it turned out, a prophecy since she did become an inspiration for others in their recovery from various addictions.

After that, she practiced at the temple on and mostly off over the next five or six years until she realized that Zen practice might really be integral to her path, just as important as her yoga practice, if not more so. This was due in part to her participation in Recovery Dharma. 

She was very helpful as the sangha navigated the dharma gates of COVID and moved from the original Camp Street location to the dojo on Napoleon Avenue. 

Her practice became strong in those couple of  years, strong enough that I entrusted her to take the lead in introducing newcomers to the basics of the practice: posture, breathing, and attitude of mind. Her posture was exemplary, thanks in part to her yoga practice, and she soon mastered the various roles of Zen ceremony. And she always had searching questions during mondo that were helpful for others. Especially endearing to newcomers were her candor and sincerity in describing the arc of her practice and its influence on her recovery. 

Her practice indeed seemed strong enough that I thought she might be ready to wear the kesa and kolomo and continue to be for others the Shining Example that she had become.

When she expressed doubts about being ready to make the commitment to monastic ordination, I said to her, “Life is short. What are you waiting for?”

Her smile was glowing the day of her ordination, January 9, 2022, as I passed the monk’s kesa, rakusu, and kechimyaku over the incense and into her hands. And her grin when I gave her the monastic name: KŌDŌ. It was a tribute to Kodo Sawaki, Homeless Kodo, a similar name but not synonymous, with different kanji and a different meaning. His name means Ancestral Gate, while hers means Endless Journey.

Her monastic name was descriptive. Aubrey was an avid traveler, always setting off to Asia or South America, Thailand or Peru. These were not just physical journeys, they were spiritual journeys too. In spite of the early traumas of her life, she took these journeys on her own, a young woman traveling solo. She was fearless in that way. No, not fearless. She had an army of fears that haunted her. That was what was so admirable. She tried to face them down.

I didn’t see much of her in the final year of her life. She had drifted away from the temple and the practice, as people often do. After news of her death, I scrolled through the striking photos of her recent long trip to India and Nepal, which she had posted on Facebook. She seemed to have found a connection there; she seemed happy.

We can choose to use our bodhisattva name in daily life, and Aubrey chose to use her story to help others who had experiences similar to hers, to be a Shining Example. But the monastic name is not used until after death. Now Aubrey owns her monastic name. As we speak, her ashes are on the way to India, where she seemed to have found a connection — she always did feel an affinity with Kali, the goddess of Eros and Thanatos, the eternal cycle of Destruction and Rebirth. So her monastic name, KŌDŌ, or Endless Journey, takes on special significance now.

Gassho, Aubrey. 

Gassho, KŌDŌ KYŌHAN.

A GLIMPSE OF IT

Zen poetry comes in many forms. There are the essential ancient wisdom poems by masters, like the Shodoka, the Shinjinmei, and the Hokyo Zanmai. There are koan poems and poems that comment on koans. There are poetry contests, like the one described in the Platform Sutra. There are satori poems and death poems. There are philosophical waka and lightbulb haiku. What they all have in common is that they give “a glimpse of it.”

Early on in my Zen practice I published a series of poems that became the Bodhidharma’s Eyelids, in the magazine Exquisite Corpse (Cybercorpse 10 and 11). These I called “zazen poems” or “practice poems,” beginner’s-mind poems that did not aspire to wisdom or pretend to some unearned or ill-understood “awakening,” but simply poems that attempted to describe my own interior experience during or in consequence of zazen, the core experience when it comes to Zen. This kind of poem is experiential, often confessional, usually modest, often surreal, depending on the unique “glimpse” of the practitioner.

Not all Zen poems are Zen poems. Several poems of Wallace Stevens, for example, such as “The Man on the Dump,” which I have written about elsewhere, are more effective in conveying key Zen moments than many more self-consciously Zen attempts which may lack the true zenki (dynamic perception of the entirety of our being-in-the-world). Each successful Zen poem possessing zenki marks a passing through one of the endless dharma gates. Put more simply, it offers a “glimpse.”

I am glad to share here such a beginner’s-mind poem, “A Glimpse of It,” by Lana Matthews Sain.

A GLIMPSE OF IT

When at last, after long loathing, you cradle

into your palms the scraps left

of yourself, the few slivers 

you did not trade, and yield

your pride to the rind of Earth —

the rocks, the weeds, the algae-ed lake

behind the trees; when you submerge 

your ear into its hum and stop filtering

its song or googling how it should sound,

it’s like those first few cranks of the pedals,

or maybe the first flight of a bird — the balance, 

the momentum, the release. How the sun blinks

and bends the leaves toward me 

in late afternoon and saves me a seat

on the front row of chipped and weather-eaten 

concrete steps where lizards skitter

through the tiniest cracks, crack 

through me, lizards become me. 


At the altar of this crinkling flesh I bow

to the backs of my own hands. Relax. 

I spend thirty minutes, still,

in the shallow sea of soft Tennessee

humidity, allow a nervous fly to buzz

above my eye. Go inside 

and spend thirty minutes more, buzzing 

with my old vacuum: thirty minutes scraping 

the floor, thirty minutes collecting dust,

connecting the perfect attachment 

and watching the corners exhale

debris. Thirty minutes and everything 

is swept clean. Thirty minutes of nowhere 

else I’d rather be.

This poem could well have been about zazen, but as Lana points out in the statement below, the origin of the poem actually predates her zazen practice:

Interestingly enough, I wrote this long before I ever attended zazen or had any structure around a 30-minute sitting, but finding myself exhausted in my own self-loathing and grief, one day I just surrendered myself, literally, to the earth and lay down on it in an almost meditative state fully aware of the present for around a half hour or so, and that's what the ‘glimpse’ was, followed by a feeling of everything being just fine right where I was. Of course, practicing zazen regularly, the shift is more prevalent in each day/each circumstance.”

Lana Matthews Sain is a recent graduate of Sewanee’s School of Letters MFA program, and a regular practitioner at Stone Nest Dojo in Sewanee.

— Richard Collins

Lana Matthews Sain, University of the South, Sewanee

Oppenheimer the Hungry ghost

“The Supreme Lord [Krishna/Vishnu] said: I am mighty Time, the source of destruction that comes forth to annihilate the worlds. Even without your participation, the warriors arrayed in the opposing army shall cease to exist.”

– Bhagavad Gita 11:32

While there are no overt references to Buddhism in Oppenheimer, the underlying themes that connect to central Buddhist concepts are everywhere throughout the film. 

First, as background, the film sketches the evolution of theoretical physics which has increasingly provided scientific parallels if not explanations for Buddhist accounts of phenomenological ontology (simply put, of our experience of being). Then, in the film’s foreground we are presented with its most memorable line — “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds” — that, while translated from the Sanskrit of a Hindu sacred text, resonates with Buddhist themes when used as a touchstone for Oppenheimer’s personal moral and spiritual (and to some extent his political) dilemma. 

These thematic threads are reflected in the formal and structural elements of the film. Much has been said about its parallel plot structure: the use of color for the first-person narrative pertaining to the Oppenheimer security-clearance hearing versus the use of black-and-white for the third-person narrative pertaining to the Strauss confirmation hearing. But Oppenheimer’s personal qualms shown in claustrophobic closeups (like a series of overblown Chuck Close portraits) are seen against the big picture of quantum physics (kaleidoscopic micro- and macrocosms); and these form the double helix of the film’s thematic DNA.

The appearances of and allusions to Einstein, Bohr and Heisenberg usher us into the unpredictable world of quantum mechanics. (I confess my ignorance of both theoretical physics and Sanskrit, so any insights I might stumble upon here are tempered by their relativity and my uncertainty.) For the benefit of those of us who lack sufficient mathematics or physics background to comprehend their mysteries, the film reminds us of how our culture has been influenced by the implications of first Einstein’s and then Heisenberg’s theories. Nolan shows us Oppenheimer’s prized copy of Eliot’s The Waste Land; then has the scientist linger in front of Picasso’s Woman Sitting with Crossed Arms; then shows him listening to Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring, each work by an artistic innovator in touch with the advances of science and its implications. These allusions might be helpful for all of us who are flummoxed by blackboard equations but may be familiar with Western landmarks of Modernism in the arts. 

We might not be as familiar with the ancient Hindu sacred text, the Bhagavad Gita, which is where Oppenheimer finds both a philosophical context for his role as a scientist-warrior and, in his reading at least, condemnation for his actions in that role. He could also have found solace and expiation for his personal “sin” had he been more of a believer in the religious dimension of that sacred text.

When the theories of relativity and uncertainty first made headlines, the layperson’s concerns were phenomenological questions of psychology and epistemology, questioning our sense of ourselves in the world and how we know what we know. Quantum mechanics, in philosophical terms, took us into more unfamiliar territory of ontology, thrusting upon us existential questions about the nature of being and how we are like or unlike all other physical entities. 

Trying to put quantum mechanics in a nutshell for his future wife, Kitty, over a cocktail, Oppenheimer asks (rhetorically) why we don’t pass through each other if on the molecular level we are temporary forms floating in a sea of nothingness? His explanation is reminiscent of Mahayana Buddhist concepts of form and nothingness (shiki and ku) outlined in the Heart Sutra and inherited from the Hindu philosophical tradition of the five skandhas (aggregations), which determine how we know we exist in the world. The issue is not unlike the existential question raised in Barbie — to move from the sublime to the ridiculous — when Barbie disrupts the Barbie dance party by blurting out whether any of her fellow Barbies has thought of dying (gasp, sound of needle scratching pink 45 record, silence).

Meanwhile, the poor player Oppenheimer struts and frets his three hours upon the stage, his personal tragedy playing out as variations on a theme provided by the much-discussed line from the Hindu sacred text, the Bhagavad Gita: “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” (This focus on the individual is the heart of the film, abandoning the horror of the death of so many Japanese civilians to mere off-camera mentions or his own hallucinatory but not-very-horrifying visions, a “sanitizing” for which the film has been justly criticized.)

Other objections have been raised by right-wing Hindus because Oppenheimer is made to read the line while copulating with his communist consort Jean Tatlock (a much more accomplished woman in life than the film portrays her, another reason to fault the film’s focus, which I won’t go into here). The objection to the sexualization of the spiritual text seems disingenuous considering the centrality of tantric eroticism in Hindu religious texts, traditions, and temples. Pavan K. Varma, in Firstpost, for example, makes the case that such objections have their origin not in Hinduism at all but in the colonial legacy of Victorian prudishness left behind by the British who felt revulsion for Hinduism’s sacred eroticism. 

Kama (sensual or erotic enlightenment), of course, as we have all been aware since we were curious adolescents discovering the Kama Sutra, is one of the four pillars of an enlightened life in Hindu tradition, along with Artha (material enlightenment), Dharma (enlightened conduct, following one’s individual path in relation to the cosmos), and Moksha (spiritual enlightenment, culminating in release from the round of samsara). 

Nolan’s decision to have Oppenheimer quote the sacred text during the sexual act is thus an absolutely crucial artistic decision, since the scene embodies the karmic intersection between creation and destruction, eros and thanatos, sex and death. Removing it, as these misguided Hindu zealots have demanded, would gut this core theme of the film. 

Oppenheimer’s quotation is actually a paraphrase of what Krishna (as Vishnu’s avatar) tells the warrior Arjuna during a pause in the battle between good and evil. The original line has also been translated as “The Supreme Lord [Krishna/Vishnu] said: I am mighty Time, the source of destruction that comes forth to annihilate the worlds. Even without your participation, the warriors arrayed in the opposing army shall cease to exist.” 

The film’s version of the quotation, reducing Time to Death, is more succinct and powerful but distorts the meaning. By taking the blame on himself, Oppenheimer usurps the role of the gods, refusing to see himself as their pawn. Instead, he could or should have seen himself in the role of Arjuna, whom the gods are absolving of his personal (karmic) guilt. Oppenheimer, however, takes on the burden of what is the gods’ responsibility, a burden he is not required nor equipped to bear, in spite of his arrogance and ego. Oppenheimer uses the quotation of the Gita not to excuse but to accuse himself.

Vishnu is not normally a destroyer but rather a balancer, one who restores order, although sometimes he must do this through violence and war. Indeed, the context of the quotation is that Krishna/Vishnu is trying to relieve the common soldier (Arjuna) of his guilt and moral qualms by asserting that one lone player has little effect in the big picture, a drop in an ocean of karma. 

In classical Western mythology, Time is the father of Death. Kronos (or Saturn) both creates and destroys, bringing forth children and then devouring them. (Or, in Milton’s perverse religious allegory, Death is the incestuous offspring of Satan and Sin.) That Oppenheimer utters the famous line while having sex with Jean Tatlock illustrates the karmic relationship between sex (creation) and death (destruction), which concludes with her eventual death by suicide. That Oppenheimer is haunted by causing this single death is paralleled by causing the death of tens of thousands or even by seeing himself as the destroyer of the world. 

In religious terms, then, Oppenheimer’s moral qualms point to an inflated ego, his inability to cede responsibility to the gods, or in Buddhist terms to practice nonattachment. He ignores the context of the Gita quotation, in which Krishna/Vishnu is attempting to absolve the warrior Arjuna of his personal culpability in the death of his enemies, since it is the gods who decide who lives and who dies, not the warrior (or scientist) himself. 

Nor can Oppenheimer embrace the nonduality espoused in the Gita (and Buddhism) by Krishna’s assertion that there is (in ontological terms, and perhaps in theoretical physics, as well) neither slayer nor slain. Contrary to common misconceptions, Karma is impersonal. Karma is often misinterpreted in a way that holds individuals responsible for specific actions which put into motion great consequences. But Krishna disabuses Arjuna of this notion, or rather refines it, by letting him know that as long as he acts according to his duty (dharma) he need not be worried about karma because there are more forces at work in war than the actions of one individual. To think otherwise is hubris. 

Viewing actual footage of his postwar interviews, you can see Oppenheimer trying to parse exactly what his duty (dharma) was as a scientist, and trying to convince himself that it was not up to him and other scientists to decide how to use their destructive discoveries for military and political ends (that was the dharma of generals and politicians). Yet he never seems to be entirely convinced, as evinced in his halting, stumbling, Hamlet-like soliloquies, trying to come up with the right words for a right philosophical take on his role. He is troubled by this idea of dharma as duty and responsibility, even as it seems to absolve him of the worst of his guilt. One’s dharma when confronted with a battle with evil (in this case Nazism) demanded a decision either to engage or not to engage. But his hubris forces him to take on more guilt than he needs to, so that “he” has become Death, when actually it is the powers beyond him (not just the military and political deciders, but the gods themselves, karma itself, time itself) that are responsible for the destruction of HIroshima and Nagasaki and, in future, perhaps the world. In any case, Time will ultimately destroy everything.

But Oppenheimer was not a Hindu; he happened to be a Jew who did not believe in the immortality of the soul. As a Humanist he believed in the sacredness of life and in human agency, which is why he was haunted by his role as “destroyer.” For him, the Bhagavad Gita was not a sacred text as such but a very personal philosophical guide to his life as a scientific “warrior.” Neither Hindu, nor Buddhist, nor accomplished Stoic (like his Sanskrit tutor Ryder), Oppenheimer remains a haunted figure. In the end, Oppenheimer inhabits not the realms of devas or humans (two of the six realms of samsara), but that of a self-condemned emaciated hungry ghost whose thirst for forgiveness can never be sated. This is the vivid portrait the film has painted.

— Richard Collins

REFERENCES

Arnold, Edwin, translator. The Song Celestial or Bhagavad-Gita (1900). London: RKP, 1948. https://merton.bellarmine.edu

Berridge, George. “‘Now I Am Become Death’: The Delicate, Destructive Words of Oppenheimer.” 27 July 2023.  https://artreview.com

Khorana, Alok A. “How Robert Oppenheimer Was Influenced by the Bhagavad Gita.” 10 July 2023. https://lithub.com

Ryder, Arthur W., translator. The Bhagavad-Gita. Chicago: The U of Chicago Press, 1929.

https://shreevatsa.net/ryder/1929-gita/Ryder-BG.pdf

James Temperton. “‘Now I am Become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.’ The Story of Oppenheimer’s Infamous Quote.” 21 July 2023. https://www.wired.com

Varma, Parvan K. “Why Oppenheimer controversy Is a misplaced outrage over Bhagavad Gita.” 27 July 2023. https://www.firstpost.com

Does barbie have buddha nature?

Having at last succumbed to the barrage of Barbenheimer mania, I can now share my thoughts on the two films from a Zen perspective. (For now, though, I’ll restrict my remarks to Barbie.)

My first reaction to Greta Gerwig’s Barbie was that it was the story of the Buddha. Like Siddhartha, she begins life (if we can call it that) in a charmed and sheltered palace, pink and plastic and perfect. Like the Republican ideal of childhood, there should be no taint of the unpleasant world of grownups, no unpleasantness, no dissatisfaction, no suffering, no aging, no death, and above all no mention of social inequality, bathrooms, gender confusion, or sex. It is only when these dark thoughts intrude upon Barbie’s consciousness that she sets off on her journey to “enlightenment.”

Like the prince Siddhartha, however, once she witnesses dukkha (imperfection) in the form of suffering, age, and death, she can’t be kept in the prison of her pink palace. She must make the journey to the underworld (i.e., the “real” world), and meet a teaching prophet (Weird Barbie) and confront even the gods (or at least their simulacra in the form of the corporate board of Mattel). Once she has confronted the twin demons of Capitalist Consumerism and the Patriarchy, she can rejoin the world, “enlightened” now, as a “real” human being. Cue the final frame of the Oxherding Pictures, where the un-Barbie-like chubby Buddha Hotei returns to the marketplace to perform as a bodhisattva, saving other beings like himself. Or, perhaps just as aptly, cue the Pinocchio/Pygmalion theme of the toy/statue coming to life. 

These themes were so obvious to me that I didn’t for a second think my interpretation was either original or outlandish. I searched “Barbie Buddha” online and came up with a number of references, including an interview with Margot Robbie who stated that Greta Gerwig was thinking in the archetypal terms of Joseph Campbell’s Hero with a Thousand Faces (“or is it a hundred, anyway….” Meanwhile, Ryan Gosling, still channeling a dim and deferential Ken, says “either way, that’s a lot of faces!”) Robbie says it out loud: Barbie’s journey is “the Buddha’s journey to enlightenment.”

Now that we know the answer to whether Barbie has Buddha nature, we should ask the more pressing and as yet unexplored question of whether Barbie’s dog Tanner (discontinued for pooping choking hazards, as his brief cameo in the film shows) has Buddha nature as well?

— Richard Collins

Sam Grindrod (from Pinterest)

Integrity

A talk given at Stone Nest Dojo by Richard Collins, 28 May 2023


An integer is a positive natural number or a negative

number, with no fractional part, and includes zero.

One thing that we see in the Zen masters whom we read about from long ago is that they had integrity.

This doesn’t mean that they were perfect, or morally upright, certainly not confined by some rigid ethical code. On the contrary. It means that they were wholly themselves, authentic, vivid, unique, unpredictable, possibly eccentric. 

The root of the word integrity is integer, from the Latin, which means “intact,” whole, undivided, entire, and in that sense perhaps even “pure.” An integrated society is an intact society, a society not split up or torn apart by internal divisions. Integral wheat or grain is whole wheat, whole grain, wholesome. And a person of integrity is one who commands respect for being uniquely who they are. 

Think about the people you admire. Isn’t this true of every one of them? I think this is true of anyone we really admire. They are a whole person, well-rounded. They may not be perfect, indeed they are often exquisitely imperfect, but they are authentic. They are comfortable in their own skin, we say. They are able to act spontaneously in the moment from a certain center or core, whatever that core might be. And that core is rarely a belief; it is more likely to be a lack of any dogmatic belief and a realistic openness to possibility.

Sometimes sitting in zazen we can feel conflicted, torn apart by our thoughts and feelings, our urges and our hesitations. Even more so in everyday life. Being drawn-and-quartered is how I envision it, like the medieval torture that tied each of your limbs to a horse and had them go off in different directions, to dismember you limb from limb.

We are constantly torn in different directions by whatever has been drummed into our conscience by parents, church, education, society, whose gifts to us are their prejudices and myopia. We are also torn apart by our own fears, desires, ambitions, regrets — what we should not have done, what we should be doing, what we hope to do, and so on. And when this happens we are not whole anymore, we lose our integrity. 

That’s why it’s very important to reconnect with your self here in the present during zazen. Not the self that’s been drummed into you or the one that appears on your driver’s license or your permanent record, but the one that has infinite potential. The no-self. Like the enso that represents emptiness but also represents wholeness, people with integrity can take in the moment and do what needs to be done. Not because they have some default dogma or code to fall back on, but because they have a certain openness, an emptiness — no preconceptions. They are empty, not full of themselves.

We too can become this open, this whole, this integrated with ourselves — if we take in and accept and embrace all of our current situation, whatever that might be, without distorting it with our hopes and fears. Not so that we can admire ourselves of course, but so that we can do what needs to be done. Not just for ourselves, but for others, for all existences really, in our modest way.

仙厓義梵 Sengai Gibon (1750-1837), “Eat this and have a cup of tea”

DECIDE!

A talk given at the sesshin, 13 May 2023, New Orleans Zen Temple, by Richard Reishin Collins, Abbot

Sometimes we have to be a sangha of one.

We hear all the time about the Three Treasures: Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. These can be very abstract terms, however, so I always encourage you to nail those down to concrete, recognizable examples in your life, anchoring these abstractions in your experience. For example: Buddha is the posture; Dharma is breathing; Sangha, attitude of mind.

We can find buddhas everywhere, all around us, if we just pay attention. It doesn’t have to be something on an altar, something holy, spiritual or special. It just has to be ineffably itself — tathata.

Dharma we find everywhere as well. In the patterns of our experience, we can learn the form and the formlessness of reality. This is especially true in what presents us with cases we can’t figure out. We call these koans when they appear in the literature, but the great koans are not to be found in books but in our own lives. These are what teach us — directly and deeply — about the nature of reality.

And sangha, which is less a congregation of people than an attitude of mind, the practice of mushotoku, with no intention of receiving any personal profit or gain. Sangha is an endlessly expanding community of mushotoku mind, so that even if you are doing zazen by yourself, you’re practicing with others. Even when you are doing zazen with others, you’re practicing by yourself. 

Sometimes you don’t get to choose whether to practice in community with others or by yourself as a hermit. I am speaking of my own experience — because I’ve become a sangha of one for a while in the mountains of Tennessee.

It feels very comfortable for me, this weekend, to come back and sit with you here in the temple in New Orleans, very natural, a refuge. A refuge from a refuge.

But our sangha has always expanded and contracted over the years. In the old temple on Camp Street we had 16,000 square feet to expand into, and yet the ebb and flow was no different than it is now. Sometimes there would be up to twenty or so for a sesshin and yet sometimes there would be no one at all. 

So a group of four or five sitting together feels abundant to me right now. But sometimes we have to be a sangha of one, like a stone dropped in a still pool. Like the Buddha at BodhGaya, in fact, where, as a sangha of one (we are told) he attained great awakening. 

The main thing is to not choose. As it says at the very beginning of the Shin Jin Mei, as soon as you begin to pick and choose, you’re a mile off the path.

Sometimes I think I might prefer to be practicing with more people. Then I relax and settle into appreciating the freedom that practicing by myself offers. The main thing is that I learn from this experience. I have learned this: a refuge can become a hindrance. A sangha can become a problem. Our problems can become a refuge — paradoxically, perversely — when they preoccupy us so much that we forget what’s important. Our neuroses become our safe place. Our problems come to define us and occlude our vision with a cloudy mirror. Then we tend to forget that we are the only problem; we ourselves are the only refuge. This is the vortex into which preferences lead us.

Be careful, though. Not to choose does not mean not to act! It doesn’t mean to do nothing. It doesn’t mean you can’t decide. In fact, when you don’t make preferences you can act spontaneously, you can make those decisions that are necessary, not the unnecessary ones, not the ones that you overthink, but the things that need to be done.

A long time ago, some twenty years or so, when Robert Livingston Roshi wanted to open a restaurant on the ground floor of Camp Street, I asked him if he really wanted to be faced with all the decisions that running a business like that entailed. He said, “I have no problem making decisions.” Now I think I know what he meant.

An even longer time ago, back in the ‘80s, I was a young professor when I interviewed the poet Molly Peacock. She said something that I have always remembered. She said, “One day I decided to be happy.” She pointed out that the word decision is related to the word incision. To be decisive is to cut something away. It is to be incisive. There is a precision to it. Decide is also related to every kind of -cide, from pesticide to homicide, even deicide (the killing of gods), and so on. A killing, a cutting down, a slaying.

We say that during zazen, with hishiryo consciousness we “throw down” or “cast off” body and mind – shin jin datsu raku. We cut to the chase. We slay the Buddha that we meet on the road to reveal the real Buddha within ourselves. This is what we do every time we decide to come to zazen. We cut away the inessential. As Michelangelo said, he cut away what was inessential in the stone to reveal the statue within. We cut away what is inessential in ourselves, to find our true self: the one that we have not yet thought of, as Kodo Sawaki said. The living Buddha in our hara

My wife Leigh and I moved to Romania in the early ‘90s. The first morning after we got up in our depressing cinder-block apartment, she went to the market to buy something to eat. As she stood at the counter, trying to decide what to ask for, the line of old ladies behind her started to scream at her. "Alegeți! Alegeți!” She didn’t know what that meant, but they were yelling at her to decide. “Decide! Decide!” Or literally, “Elect!” Select! Decide! Kill off your choices! Cut off your possibilities! Make up your mind!

In the Samurai tradition, of course, spontaneous decision-making is legendary. The Hagekure tells us that “one should make one’s decisions within the space of seven breaths.” This ability to focus with “an intense, fresh and undelaying spirit” is what allows the samurai “to break on through to the other side.” Hesitation in the martial arts is deadly. One deals with an attack spontaneously, automatically, naturally, not with a mind that “goes hither and thither.” A mind that is divided might soon result in a skull split open. You don’t think about it: you don’t worry about right or wrong. You go with your gut. Your hara.

When we practice on our own, though, we tend to overthink our practice. We think too much about the inessential. This activity is just waffling; it’s not deciding. We are not cutting the dross away, we are wallowing in it. We are trying to hold onto everything and to control it, weighing, picking and choosing, making preferences, all of which is very different from decisiveness. Someone who is decisive is not choosy, not picky, not bellyaching all the time about what is or is not appropriate.

As you have probably guessed, this kusen is more for me than for you, so that I can get back on track. But that’s our practice, that’s what a sangha is. We help each other. By helping each other we help ourselves. It doesn’t come down from on high from the Godo. The teaching goes both ways. We help each other to decide for ourselves.

Split Head Sculpture by Eric Kilby